News from E-Town

I’ve been doing a lot of adoption related reading lately. And one thing I read just last night was about the “anniversary feeling.” That phenomenon where we experience feelings, sensations, and memories around the anniversary of a significant event that are not all directly related to the calendar dated anniversary of said event. For an adopted child who was placed with their family during winter, the onset of the following winter- the cold, snow, etc, may trigger the feelings of confusion and fear that accompanied placement. Even if the child has adjusted well to the family. I was thinking about this and realized that it happens for me all the time.

I love autumn. The colors, the cool, crisp air, the smells. But it’s more than that. The feeling of fall prompts me to feel the excitement of new beginnings (living on a school calendar for about 20 years will do that to you!), the joy of celebration of mine and my sisters’ birthdays, the anticipation for the coming holidays, and brings back the memories of apple picking, the last campfires of the season, and attending the Feast of the Hunter’s Moon. (google it- it’s awesome!)

And the warm, humid air, greening leaves and grass, and budding flowers of spring have always brought celebratory feelings of nearing an “end.” Summer vacation, a new softball season, family vacations, and in short, freedom, awaited at the end of spring- the end of the school year. And the months preceding the end of school were always soooo long.

Last spring, I was nearing the end of my college career, the end of my life as a student (at least for the time being!), the end of four years of way too little sleep, often too much stress, and the convenience of living with some of my best friends. I was nearing the end of my wedding planning, my engagement, my life as a single woman. And I was nearing the end of my time of living with my parents. As independent and grown-up as they treated me already, every school break and holiday was spent at home with them and I knew that things would change once I moved out for good.

However, last spring, I was also quickly approaching a time of new beginnings. Of drastic life changes that would affect my life forever. More so than any softball team or summer vacation ever had. I was approaching life as a college graduate. Life as a full-time employee of a company. And most importantly, life as Z’s wife.  And that was exciting enough to make me all but forget the “endings” of last spring.

Now, this spring, as we are enjoying more numerous warm, sunny days with blooming lilacs and breezy green trees, I am again experiencing much of the anxiety and excitement, the nostalgia and anticipation of last year. And I know that much of it is linked to my memories of Spring 2008. It is the anniversary of my college graduation, of saying goodbye to so many friends and to a way of life, of saying goodbye to my old bedroom and my parents’ house. And we are 16 days away from my first wedding anniversary. A year ago, we were putting the finishing touches on our wedding and honeymoon plans and preparing to move into our first apartment.

And yet, not all of my feelings are triggered solely by the memories of last year. Z has just received a job offer for a teaching position out of town that we have decided to accept. While we are thrilled that God has provided him with employment for next year, I am feeling a little nostaligic. This job will mean moving… out of our very first apartment, our first home together- out of the town where we met and fell in love and dated and kissed for the first time and got engaged. Moving will mean the end of my first “real job.” And while it hasn’t been wonderful every day, it’s been a blessing to have an income and I’ve a learned a ton. Moving will mean being further away from many of our friends. And our first anniversary will mean the end of our first year of marriage. A year full of learning how much fun we have living together, of much we love being married.

And our first anniversary will also mark the beginning of our second year of marriage. Which will probably be even more wonderful than the first! This new job will mean the opportunity to go on an adventure together, to learn more about each other, to set up a new home, to make new friends, for me to find a new job. And I can’t help but be excited about all of those things. After all, we’ll be doing them together. And that’s what I signed up for when I made my vows last May!

Choosing Joy,

E